


They're Idiots

by Huntra_Pred



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Genji has to deal with them, Goofy Idiots in Love, Idiots in Love, M/M, Married idiots, Noodle Dragons, they're idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22544485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntra_Pred/pseuds/Huntra_Pred
Summary: Hanzo and Jesse get into a drinking contest thanks to them both being stubborn and not wanting to back down. This results in Genji having to babysit them. Pray for Lúcio, he's seen some shit.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada
Comments: 1
Kudos: 105





	They're Idiots

Genji was enjoying his peaceful evening, reading a book while Soba is wrapped around his neck. She's asleep, Zenyatta is meditating nearby. Lúcio comes into the room, drawing all three of their attentions. He looks... panicked. He's unable to speak, only point out the door and make distressed sounds. Zenyatta goes over and guides him to the couch, easing him to sit down while he helps calm him.

"Deep breaths, Lúcio. Take your time."

Genji waits patiently, Soba deciding that she wanted to help calm Lucio. She goes over to him, nuzzling against Lúcio until he's finally calmed down.

"They're drunk..."

Genji and Zenyatta tilt their heads, "Whose drunk?"

"Jesse and Hanzo."

Genji jumps up, "Shit!"

And he bolts out the door with Soba in tow. This leaves poor Lúcio and Zenyatta in the room, both knowing that hell may come a day early. 

* * *

It was easy for Genji to find Hanzo, he was hanging upside down from his seat, legs sticking up in the air. Jesse is next to him, about to pour some vile drink into the man's open mouth, but Genji wasn't going to have that. He runs over and takes the bottle away from Jesse, both Jesse and Hanzo whining because of this.

"How-How dare you!"

Jesse looks to his hand where the bottle once was, "My whiskey..."

"Why are you drinking? This early?"

Hanzo falls to the floor and then climbs back onto his seat, "Well, Jesse told me I couldn't out drink him."

Jesse crosses his arms, "You still can't!"

Hanzo turns to the cowboy in a rage, "WATCH ME!"

Genji yelps as his brother jumps on him, taking the whiskey and chugging it. Jesse cheers at this, laughing as Genji tries to take the bottle back from Hanzo. Hanzo finishes the bottle, laughing loudly, now heavily depending on Genji to help him stand. Jesse is clapping now, grinning from ear to ear as Jack walks in, displeased already. He watches Genji struggle to have his brother sit back down, tapping his foot.

"Shimada!"

Genji looks to Jack, Hanzo turning his head so fast to look at the man that his bun comes loose. Jack sighs before restating what he said.

"The sober one."

Hanzo still stares.

"Hanzo, you're not sober."

The man gaps as if someone told him his dog died, "I'm not!?"

Jesse cackles before standing and attempting to stagger out of the room. He doesn't make it very far. Jack shakes his head before looking to Genji.

"Watch them."

"Why me!?"

Jack points to Hanzo, "Your brother," he points to the downed Jesse, "Your brother-in-law."

Genji groans loudly, not noticing Hanzo drag himself to Jesse. He flops ontop of the man, muttering to him. Genji dejectedly walks over to them, now being able to hear Hanzo muttering nonsense. God, is this was going to be such a pain in the ass.

"Jesse, you're my apple butter pecan pie."

"Aw, love you, too!"

Genji stares, inhaling deeply. Jack is already gone, leaving him to his fate. But Soba was floating nearby, judging Hanzo and Jesse as they mutter.

"Soba, could you help me?"

The dragon huffs before growing in size, plucking Hanzo off Jesse and dropping him in Genji's arms. Then she picks up Jesse and starts to leave, heading to their room to drop the man off. Genji follows, Hanzo wiggling in his arms.

"Lemme... Lemme go! I can walk!"

"You can barely stand, Hanzo."

"I can walk!"

Genji doesn't listen, he wasn't going to waste time with letting Hanzo try to walk to his room.

* * *

Soba huffs as she floats down the hall, thankfully Jesse was too out of it to be bothered by the fact he was hanging almost six feet off the floor.

"I'm flying~"

_Sure you are._

Jesse was lucky that she liked him. She still had off feelings about Hanzo, but not as bad as they were some years ago. She comes to Hanzo and Jesse's room and scratches lightly on the door. Athena takes notice and opens the door for her. Soba goes halfway in, noticing that Hanzo's dragons, Udon and Ramen, are asleep on the bed. She grunts at them and they wake, quickly taking notice of Jesse. 

_Oh boy. Is Hanzo-?_

_Drunk as well? Yes._

The two move, allowing Soba to place Jesse on the bed. That's where she put him, but not where he stayed because the idiot rolled off.

"Hannnnnzooooo-"

Soba stares, shaking her head before shrinking back down and joing Udon and Ramen under the bed.

* * *

Genji _finally_ makes it to Hanzo's room, the door already open. Jesse is on the floor, of course he is. And Genji briefly catches sight of a green tail slithering under the bed. Genji allows Hanzo to stand, the man noticing his husband and making his way to him. Then he falls. On top of Jesse. It would take too much time and effort to get them both on the bed and keep them there. So, he leaves them on the floor.

_I better get them some water..._

Hopefully the dragons will watch them and make sure they behave.

* * *

Hanzo was comfortable, Jesse was a nice pillow. Course the man would disagree. 

"Darling, can I get up?"

"Nope."

"But why?"

"Cause I said so. I'm the boss."

Jesse mutters, "I wanna be the boss."

"Then earn it."

Jesse sits up, knocking Hanzo off him. The dragons continued to judge them from under the bed as the two began to wrestle. This lasted for a solid three minutes before the two pass out. Soba doubts this will stop them from getting drunk in the future. 


End file.
